hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
