Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
