Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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