I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
