if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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