Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
