He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The best revenge is premature balding
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
