Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
