I wish I could teleport
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
