found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
