Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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