we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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