Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
