my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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