Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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