Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
