When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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