Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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