rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize