he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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