Umm I'm too high to move.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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