Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
