Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
