dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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