Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
