having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
