So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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