that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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