You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
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i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You took a bar mat shot.
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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