Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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