I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
