Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
