In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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