i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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