whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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