Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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