I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
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The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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