im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
