Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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