Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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