Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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