So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
