We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
