I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
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you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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