my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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