Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
