I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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