Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
