I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
