Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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