I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
