Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
