Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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