Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize