FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
