Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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