I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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