tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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