well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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