I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
