dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
