I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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