before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
