Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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