part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
