Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
