Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I need to align my fucking chakras
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
