They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
