is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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