Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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