Rock
Scissors
Fuck
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
