i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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