Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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